What a BFF (Best Fertility Friend) Would Say – Ch. 21

Feb 26, 2021

These blog posts titled “What a BFF (Best Fertility Friend) Would Say” are a collection of random tips to give you strength and assurance as you try to get pregnant.  I hope they help!

With appreciation for inviting me on your journey,



Don’t chase. Do this instead.

A wonderful quote by Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet…“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.”

This quote is appropriate for many of the women I encounter where they’re chasing, rather than attracting their baby.

What belongs to you will often simply find you if you create the space to trust in yourself and in the process.

Yes, it’s taking much longer than you expected and desired but like a gardener, you’re preparing the environment so that when the seed takes root, it’s a strong and healthy baby.

This process is very much about cultivating patience and in trusting the process. A gardener understands the seasons and conditions that allow for optimal growth.

And so it’s the same with your fertility, there are seasons to it. Some months are better than others. Some years are better than others. It’s not a static probability where your chances of success are exactly the same every month or even every year because we respond to our environments as well. Which means if you’re more stressed, your chances decrease. On the other hand, if you’re enjoying life, your chances increase.

This also applies to women doing fertility treatments. Do them because you feel that the time is right and you’re prepared, not because you feel like you’re running out of time – that’s fear talking, not your higher self.

Your takeaway is simply to have more trust in yourself, in the process, and do the things that make you feel better because those actions will attract what you want.

How this common block prevents you from getting pregnant

I’m on a roll with quotes from Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet, today so I’m going to share a gem from him.

He writes: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

I love this quote because I think it’s so appropriate for you on your fertility journey. Your job is not to chase the baby because what happens when you chase someone? They run away.

Rather, it’s far more effective to attract your baby by removing the obstacles that prevent your baby from coming into your experience.

I’m talking about emotional blocks specifically.

If you’re constantly throwing up barriers about why it’s so difficult to get pregnant because of your age, diagnosis, or past history, that’s preventing your baby from coming.

If you can go back to your dating days and recall some of the experiences you’ve had, you may remember how you might have often focused on your differences or how incompatible you were with the person you were dating.

In doing so, it drives the other person away because you can’t find a common ground. Whereas when you finally met your life partner, you focused more on what you love about him rather than the differences and that attracted him to you and has kept him by your side.

It’s the same with baby.

The common ground that you both have is love, joy, happiness, calm.

Seek that out now without the baby and the baby will come because he or she wants that too and will be attracted to that energy in you.

Whose opinion matters most?

In 1957, Roger Bannister achieved something that no one thought was possible. He was the first athlete to run a mile in under four minutes (3:59.4, to be exact).

That same year, on the heels of his accomplishment, sixteen other athletes ran sub-4 minute miles. Pun intended 😉

What happened to change something that was thought impossible to now become achievable?

Their beliefs changed as soon as he crossed the finish line. Because they saw someone doing it, they knew they could do it.

What holds you back from having the baby you want is due, in great part, to your own limiting beliefs about your age.

You’ve been trained to believe that your fertility falls off a cliff after a certain age. Some of you will say 35 years while others 40 years.

Notice that there is no consensus because it’s just opinion. However, because it’s the opinion of an authority figure such as your doctor, you give it more weight because s/he is the “expert.”

If it was your neighbor, you’d flip her off.

If deep within yourself, on a gut level, you feel that it’s possible to have the baby you desire, trust your instinct because that’s where the your truth lies, not someone else’s. Flip off your doctor(s) – metaphorically speaking, of course. 🙂

And, yes, my clients in their 40s have gotten pregnant so others have done it as well, paving the way for you.

If you don’t have a gut level instinctual sense of what’s possible or not, it’s because the fear and doubt has put you in survival mode, separating you from your higher self. Your job is to do the inner work to align with who you really are.

Cut the emotional ties you’ve attached to your age and regard it as just a number. However much importance you give to that number is 100% up to you.

When working on spiritual fertility as opposed to the physical fertility of your ovaries and uterus, there is no linear time. All possibilities are available at once.

If you can believe that, then anything is possible, regardless of your age.